Just read a post from an acquaintance about dating. Oy – brings back some weird memories.
My first effort at dating was through one of the dating sites. He posted about Rockaway Beach, and I used to live there, so we started chatting on-line, then “the meeting”. He was older than I was, and looked it. Terrible teeth, although he said he was undergoing dental work. We walked to Chelsea Piers and sat down at a place there. It was OK, but nothing special.
Then there was the motorcycle guy. This one was jdate, I think. He was about my age, young looking, motorcycle, and all that. We spoke on the phone, and things seemed to be going well. Then it happened – we were supposed to meet and do something, but there was a conflict with something for my kids. I called him to tell him what happened, and I hoped we could reschedule. His comment to me was that he wanted someone who would put him first, and didn’t think that this was not right for him. Bye bye.
Next comes the ex-fiance. Yep. I was engaged to this guy my first year out of college. It was a mistake. My parents were running around getting a place for the wedding, he was pushing to look for furniture, and I just wasn’t ready. I liked him well enough, but we had not been intimate then. Probably if we had, I wouldn’t have gotten engaged. I broke the engagement, and tried to tell him that it was me, not him. Not sure if he understood. Cut to 30 years (or so) later. I find his name on a website, and email him, apologizing for breaking the engagement and all that. He emails me back and we start cooresponding. He is a widower(!) with a grown son, I am a widow with 2 children. Oy shidduch! Such a match! We went out, spent time together, I slept over. We tried to be intimate. Well, it was wasn’t working, or rather, he wasn’t working. the spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak. “This never happened before – I had no trouble with the lady I was seeing in Florida” he said.
It didn’t last. He was retired and looking for a place in Florida. I was firmly rooted in NY with my kids and job. He sent me an email. The only thing tackier than an email breakup would be a text breakup. but what he said in the email was true. I was not looking to move to Florida, and he was. I was busy all day and he wasn’t. So that was the end of that…. or was it?
The next in my distinguished history of widow-dating was an old co-worker. Also found him on line. He was divorced, and lived in NJ. We met at Liberty Science Center. and it was the beginning of a wonderful time. However, there were signs that this was not going to be a permanent relationship. He was working at a store with his sister andher husband. It wasn’t a fancy store – shipping, printing, that kind of stuff. Barely squeaking by. One day, there was a status on his chat “going to save my house”. I asked him about that, thinking that there was a fire in the area or something like that. He kind of sluffed it off, saying it was nothing. I think he was refinancing his townhouse, because the payments were too big. I’m not a gold-digger by any means, but I would like to do things that cost money sometimes, and I was afraid to suggest them. Also I am getting near the time I can retire, and would like to go out and do stuff, travel, and whatever. I didn’t see that for him. He would probably be working for the rest of his life. And he had no friends. His social life consisted of his (married) kids and their families. Something wrong with that. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the words to tell him why I didn’t see want to see him anymore. Another regret.
So now, I’m off dating altogether – Match, Jdate, Chemistry – all gone. I spent too much time and money on basically nothing It seems that the guys around my age are looking for a) a poopsie, or b) a woman with no responsibilites, who can take off at the drop of a hat. The men older seem to be looking for a nurse.
If there is a lid for my pot, he’s gonna have to look for me. But I’m here.
findingmydesk 